Charlie Mackesy, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse
Understanding before changing
We often put pressure on ourselves to change before we properly understand what we are doing - or why it once made sense.
We might become curious about why anger feels safer than hurt, why closeness can make you want to pull away, why you apologise before saying what you really think, or why being needed feels easier than needing somebody yourself. Understanding does not mean excusing everything. It gives us somewhere more honest from which change can begin.
There is no formula
I work integratively, drawing from different therapeutic ideas rather than applying one method to everyone. We may explore your earlier experiences and relationships, what is happening in your life now, and the feelings or patterns that emerge during our conversations.
There won’t always be a neat answer. Therapy can also mean making room for uncertainty, contradiction, loss, choice, responsibility and questions about what gives your life meaning.
Therapeutic Philosophy
How I Think About Therapy
I don’t see therapy as a process of fixing what is wrong with you. It is a place to understand how you came to be who you are: what has shaped you, what you have learned to do to protect yourself, and whether those ways of living still serve you now.
The aim isn’t to produce a tidier or more acceptable version of you. It is to help you know yourself more fully, so that you have greater freedom in how you respond, relate and choose to live.
The relationship is part of the work
I work relationally, which means that I’m interested not only in the relationships you describe, but also in what happens between us. The ways you seek closeness, protect yourself, withdraw, please, perform or defend yourself may eventually appear in therapy too.
We can notice these things together without treating them as faults. If we misunderstand one another, disagree, or something I say doesn’t feel right, I want us to be able to talk about it. Working through those moments can be an important part of therapy.
Warmth and challenge
I’m warm, engaged and direct. I won’t sit silently while you try to work everything out alone, and I won’t simply tell you what to do. I’ll listen carefully, ask questions, share what I notice and sometimes offer a perspective that challenges you.
There is room for seriousness, discomfort and humour. Most importantly, there is room for you to be honest - including when you aren’t sure what you feel, when parts of you want different things, or when you disagree with me.
The Therapeutic Journey
Step 01
An Introductory Conversation
We begin with a 15-minute online meeting. It’s a chance to talk briefly about what brings you to therapy, ask questions and get a sense of whether we might work well together.
Working Together
Step 02
If we agree to continue, we’ll arrange a regular time for your sessions. Our work will usually be open-ended, giving us time to understand what is happening beneath the surface rather than working towards a fixed number of sessions.
Step 03
Ending Well
Endings are an important part of therapy. When the time feels right, we’ll talk about ending and make space to reflect on our work, what has changed and what it means to say goodbye.
Common Questions
What can I expect in the first session?
Our first full session is different from the 15-minute introductory meeting. We’ll go through our working agreement, including confidentiality, cancellations and contact between sessions.
We’ll also begin exploring what has brought you to therapy, your family relationships and some of the experiences that have shaped you. You don’t need to prepare anything or tell me everything at once.
What if I don't know what to talk about?
You don't need to arrive with a clear subject or know where to begin. We can start with what is happening for you in the moment - even if that is uncertainty, awkwardness or the feeling that you have nothing to say. Often, something important emerges when we give ourselves time to stay with it.
Will you just sit and listen?
I will listen carefully, but I won’t remain silent or expect you to do all the work. I’ll ask questions, notice patterns and share what I’m thinking. At times, I may gently challenge you or offer a different perspective. You are always free to disagree with me.
How often will we meet, and for how long?
Most clients begin with a regular weekly session at the same time. Our work will usually be open-ended rather than limited to a set number of sessions. We’ll talk about how the therapy is feeling as we go, and can review its pace and direction together.
What if something feels difficult between us?
You can tell me. Discomfort, misunderstanding and disagreement can all become part of the work rather than something we have to avoid. I will take your experience seriously, and we can try to understand together what has happened between us.
Is therapy confidential?
What you tell me is treated confidentially, and I discuss my clinical work in professional supervision. There are some circumstances in which I may need to share information, including serious concerns about safety, safeguarding or where disclosure is required by law. I’ll explain this clearly in our working agreement and, wherever possible, discuss it with you first.
Reflections on Healing
'What is the bravest thing you’ve ever said?' asked the boy.
'Help', said the horse.
— Charlie Mackesy, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse
"It is a joy to be hidden, and a disaster not to be found."
— D. W. Winnicott
"It’s the relationship that heals."
— Irvin D. Yalom
'Nothing', said Piglet, taking Pooh’s hand. ‘I just wanted to be sure of you'.
— A. A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner